I don’t know about you but I grew up most of my life living as I ‘should’. I should be good at science. I should love to do mothering things. I should love to eat healthfully and exercise. I should love to be selfless and generous.
No one ever said I should try to be my authentic self. So I never did.
Those teenagers who stereotypically go through the ‘I just have to be me!’ stage are expressing their authenticity angst. I never went through that. Though I worked hard to be a model student and daughter, I struggled to feel like I excelled in those roles. It seemed I was never good enough for anyone else. In reality, I wasn’t good enough for myself. I never understood why, until recently.
To me, it boils down to authenticity. I have had this simmering passion underneath my nerdy, science, good girl self. That passion is positive psychology and helping others to be the best possible versions of themselves. Therefore, little things that help me feed that passion bring me joy.
I’m still that nerdy science gal, but now it’s in positive psychology. I never considered myself a writer, but strangely writing this blog gives me joy. Sometimes it feels like an obligation, especially when I set a strict schedule for myself. OMG, I’m going to be a day late? Lately, I’ve given up any pretense of being able to abide by my own schedule as school and work have taken over my every waking moment the last few months, and especially last few weeks. The advantage of a chaotic life is you give up a little more of that sense of control.
Lately, to just sit down and write again is just like a guilty pleasure. Often I feel I’m just writing for myself, which is enough for me these days. But when I learn that I’ve impacted someone in a positive way, then it only fuels my motivation to do what I love.
So thank you blogging community for helping me cultivate my passion while helping me to learn about myself and our world at the same time. You’re a huge part of the reason I jump out of bed every morning!