Many items fall into the general category of crazy-making. For me, it’s slow cars, slow lines, slow talkers. Others will list impatient people. Though others can certainly drive me to feel crazy, it’s especially bad when I’m the one making myself crazy(er). It’s one thing to do it unintentionally, like a bad mistake or an oversight. It’s another when I do it knowingly.
And like my own fly on the wall, I’m watching myself during the moment of decision and thinking: this is a very bad idea. I have a choice, and in the moment I know I’m making a choice. That I’m writing about those bad choices today means that I don’t usually have the willpower to make the sane, crazy-avoiding choice.
Yes, I have some occasional lapses of eating too many potato chips or too much dessert. That’s fairly harmless as long as it’s the exception rather than the rule. But my Really Bad Habit is overscheduling. Sure we can get across town, run into Costco, and get back in 45 minutes! Sure I can go to 6 meetings in a day spanning both campuses and one off site! Sure I can do a full time graduate program while working full time! Sure! Sure! Sure!
My better angels watch all of this crazy-making with morbid fascination and amusement every time.
The problem is, I can usually make it work. I might have to apologize for forgetting something or being a bit late (which also makes me crazy), but I often pull it off pretty well. And when it works well, it’s amaaazzzing (except for all those meetings).
Talk about rewarding bad behavior. No wonder I keep doing it over and over again until I and everyone around me collapses.
The same is true for when I open my mouth to talk about something maybe just a teensy weensy bit on the edge. At that moment, part of me is doing the Lost In Space robot arm wave warning. My intuition is saying simultaneously Go For It and Stop and Desist Immediately. My tendency is overwhelmingly on the Go For It side of the equation, for better or for worse, and there I am, overscheduled again.
So the bottom line of this blog is: I don’t know. When it works, it’s great. When it fails, it’s butt-ugly. I guess, in the end, I’d rather die trying rather than die sitting.
Maybe I have found my wisdom on this subject after all.