I used to say, “What is the point of remarrying?” after the end of my 20-year marriage. After all, it’s not like we’re going to having babies at our age, and having dogs does not merit a marriage license.
Chris used to laugh at me when I’d say these things. Perhaps, absence of positive psychology degree-notwithstanding, he is a better judge of human nature than I am. Or it’s just another example of the annoying nature of blind spots.
Or maybe not. Maybe it has to do with hypocrisy and my inability to practice what I preach. After all, I have always tried to preach to others the value of making decisions by moving towards desire, not away from fear. And trying to be in a relationship again after the separation/divorce was the scariest thing I have done since I decided to go into academia so many years ago.
Being in a relationship again was more like an evolution, rather than a revolution for me. First was the baby steps of online dating, then came falling in love, next was moving in together, and now, tying the knot. Strangely, the early steps were the scariest. I was literally shaking in my shoes in those early days when starting each of these processes. You’d think I’d be terrified now, remarrying at my old age, but I’m not at all.
I think this fact speaks volumes about my sweetheart. It takes a special man to change the mind of a stubborn woman like me (for those who believe in horoscopes, I’m a Taurus (the bull) and a dragon. Need I say more?)
However, as my BFF says, I also cannot be changed if I’m not willing to change. I had to be open enough to believe again that love can be forever, healing, and positively transformative. No, there are still no guarantees, but I have faith once again and am moving enthusiastically toward my desires.
I am eager to partner with this extraordinary man so that we may nurture ourselves as both individuals and as a couple. We will create fertile soil to enable a spectacular garden, but also pull the weeds as we go to ensure its sustenance. Though the garden is ours alone, we will invite others to enjoy the fruits of labor and strive to help others with their own shared and individual gardens; after all, love is for sharing.
Unlike the laws of physics where matter is neither created nor destroyed, love is a fertilizer and a catalyst that is generative: a little dose of love creates lots more love. And so formalizing our union not only feels so right, but also the right thing to do.