Yes, it is so delicious to complain about someone else, especially when it becomes group entertainment. The person you just love to hate is so much fun to berate and denigrate (haha!). She is so awful to us, how can she act this way, doesn’t she know….?
It’s not just at work. Often in a family dynamic, one child or sibling is identified as the problem. Life would be so much easier if they would just see it our way and try to get along.
Chances are, you’re reading this blog because part of you senses that there’s something wrong with that approach of negative group-think. First, such an approach is not constructive, entertaining and satisfying though it may be. Second, it is harmful for the person who is the subject of that criticism. Third, negative group-think entrenches the dysfunctional dynamic rather than encouraging positive change.
In family dynamics, a problem child is usually the one acting upon the feelings that the family can’t express. For example, no one may be willing to vocalize the family’s fears about the chronic shortage of money, and so that anxiety is expressed by a child by acting out. Now the family can focus on the problem child because it’s easier to deal with him through blame and criticism rather than dealing with the elephant in the room.
I’m not sure whether the same type of dynamic exists at work. I can say though that the black sheep in one organization is sometimes the hero in another. Workplace culture mismatch is often the culprit rather than a character, talent or work ethic deficit. It may be true that a colleague just doesn’t fit in. That does not make her a bad person or incompetent.
I’m not suggesting we condone poor behavior or lack of performance. I’m suggesting that we quit vilifying others when trying to solve problems or improve performance. For example, superstar employee though I am :), I would have a great deal of difficulty doing my job effectively if I felt that everyone was complaining about me and not supportive of what I’m trying to accomplish. Who can be successful under such circumstances? The group is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by Blaming-the-Victim. Now who’s the bad guy? Granted, letting go of the need to criticize or blame will not necessarily make someone perform, but at least you will not be contributing to the problem.
The Arbinger Institute suggests that we treat others’ needs, wants and desires as important as our own, whether we’re praising or reprimanding, rewarding or punishing. A colleague is either performing or he isn’t. Ascribing a failure of performance to any metric of motivation, talent, intelligence, integrity or intent is speculative, counter-productive and unfair. Give that person the benefit of the doubt and every opportunity to succeed. If they still can’t cut the muster then take action. If you can avoid getting emotional about the situation, you are more likely to avoid becoming the problem or contributing to the problem. After all, I would hate it if people began to criticize you.