Recently I wrote about your Gut-Wrenching Truth, and how acknowledging and stating that truth helps to liberate and build intimacy. Naming my truth allows me to see the connection between my beliefs and reactions and then communicate them, challenge them, evaluate them, feel them, and respect them. Identifying and naming my truth is a form of acceptance: I own it, it is mine. I feel this way because of my truth, not because of you.
In contrast, beliefs that remain subconscious tend to control my reactions like hidden marionette strings. I am a slave to my beliefs, while I blame others for my captivity.
Taking ownership of my truth means getting acquainted with all aspects of that truth, even the parts that are less than true. For example, a gut-wrenching truth may be that I want to be seen as smart and competent so that people will accept/love/respect me. However, there is a huge assumption in this truth, i.e., acceptance/love/respect comes from being smart and competent. Understanding that my truth is neither universal nor absolute means that I can start to understand the illogic of my truth and start to take down my belief.
Taking ownership of my truth also requires I go to a deeper layer: I want to be seen as smart and competent so that I will accept/love/respect myself. Feeling unloved/unaccepted by a loved one is painful, yes. Feeling unloved/unaccepted by myself is devastating. Accepting myself and my gut-wrenching truth in its raw, unreasonable, illogical and painful way, permits me to accept someone else’s raw, unreasonable truth. I can empathize and commiserate with your flawed humanity (oxymoron, that) because I share it. I live it. I feel it. I am it.
Someone may share their raw, unreasonable truth with you. Rejecting it means you reject yourself and your humanity. Accepting and loving that person, as they show you their gut-wrenching truth, is a way of loving and nurturing yourself, flaws and all. What could be a better holiday gift?